Compare and Contrast: Pictures!

My nonprofit's annual event was a few weeks ago.  It was officially my "coming out" party.

Although I'm not really shy about the fact that I've had gastric bypass surgery (come on, I've dropped 4 sizes in 6 months... something's up!), most of my work acquaintances, supporters and donors only see me a few times a year.

And the differences between this year and last year are just... amazing...

First, there are the pictures:

2011 Event - with the First Lady of Philadelphia, Lisa Nutter.  Yes, I am trying to hide behind her size 8 dress.  Not doing a good job, am I?

With my amazing co-chairs Veronica and Paige.  I'm still a hippo in comparison to the adorable ladies... but I'm wearing a dress (no, those aren't the heels) with a WAIST!

And then the "NSV" (non-surgical victories, as the folks on my weight loss boards call them):

1. Running around all day setting things up and not getting overheated and sweating ONCE!
2. Wearing HEELS for the first time in 5-6 years (yes, my feet hurt but a normal hurt, not a "god I can't move" hurt)
3. Feeling nearly giddy with the amount of energy I had all night
4. Seeing a camera and not feeling my heart sink
5. Being proud of not only what I've accomplished professionally, but personally, too.

On a daily basis I feel so much better. I notice I have more energy, I don't have the dreaded sweating issues anymore and just feel healthier and more confident. Then I catch a glance of myself in the mirror and I still see the fat girl.  It takes looking at "before" and "after" pictures to really see the difference.  And even I am amazed by the transformation.

"Before" - notice the horrible kitchen floor!

73 pounds lost - size 18/XL (notice new kitchen floor!)

73 pounds lost - before our weekly personal 5K walk!

Me in the original sweater used for my "before" pictures - a little big, huh? - it will be the last thing I ever get rid of from my closet.  I may keep it forever!  

Amazing thing... I'm not done.  

I've hit some stalls which can be frustrating.  In month 5, I lost less than 5 pounds.  But I know I've let some eating habits creep back into my life.  The stress of work means we are eating out more... and although I can't eat much, processed foods are still not good for me!  And when I'm watching TV at night, I feel like snacking.

I'm 6 months out, have lost 73 pounds.  My doc will tell me that's 47% of "excess weight" and at 6 months, typical RNY patients have lost 50% of excess weight... yeah, I'm a slacker!  Through surgery, I should be able to lose anywhere from 70-80% of excess weight - the rest is "on my own."  So my challenge now is to step up exercise.

And I have to do a shout out of CB - friend of ours to just had the same surgery last week.  You are in my thoughts and I can't wait to share your journey, too!

Is Sugery "Cheating"?

This topic has come up recently in a few different contexts... A friend who is having the surgery feels like it's "cheating" and I found myself telling someone who also struggles with weight issues that I "cheated" by having it done.

Which got me to thinking... Is gastric bypass cheating? And here's my thoughts on the subject:

Surgery is looking at your weight and making a lifelong commitment to change it. It takes out the 'willpower' argument at first. But it doesn't make it "easy". Saying we are cheating implies it is easy.

I often tell people you don't do this if you never want to think about food again. Because you simply can't live your life that way. I have to consciously plan out and weigh (he he) every option before I eat a thing.

And in the end, this is a tool. And if surgery is cheating then I guess using a diet plan or exercise machine is cheating too.

I think I tend to use the word "cheating" as a way to belittle my own battle and decision, too. As I posted early on, this was a big, scary, difficult decision I made and belittling it makes it a little less so, I think.

But in the end, it was absolutely the right decision for me to gain control of an aspect of my life that had always eluded me.

60 Pounds Less of Me!

Today I celebrate another milestone.  I'm officially down 60 pounds at nearly 5 months out. 

Pictures are cool...

December 2011 - "Before"

April 19, 2012 "In Progress"

But I'm a data girl... so here we go:

19 weeks

60 pounds lost

3.15 pounds a week

13.33 pounds a month

Looked at that way, it seems pretty normal, right?  What's the recommended weight loss done the "traditional" diet and exercise way... 1-2 pounds a week?  

So my tool has definitely accelerated that.  But my doctor keeps telling me that losing weight slowly is a good thing.  You have a better chance of keeping it off long-term when you lose slowly and let your body catch up with you.

December 2011 "Before"

April 19, 2012 "In Progress"

But the real difference is seen in the inches. 

30 - total inches lost

5.5 - inches from waist

7.0 - inches from hips 

3.8 - inches from upper arms (yes, I have bat wings... deal with it!)

6.3 - inches from thighs

Even when I don't lose much weight, I still see the inches going down, which is exciting.

Some of my milestones in just 5 short months...

• immediately - taken off all diabetes drugs and told not to check my sugars daily
• 15-20 pounds - wearing a ring that hadn't fit for 3+ years
• 38 pounds - traveling and not asking for a seat belt extender on an airplane
• 38 pounds - not being able to lift a suitcase at the airport and realizing it weighs exactly the same amount as I have lost to date!
• 45 pounds - seeing extended family for the first time and "suffering" through compliments!
• 50 pounds - walking 3.1 miles - my first 5K. I came in dead last but I FINISHED
• 60 pounds - having more energy, feeling more confident, being the me I feel like on the inside all the time, not only when I don't peak in the mirror!

Someone asked me on Facebook today how many sizes I'm down - I started this process as a 26/28 to 30/32 (when you can no longer shop at the Avenue, you must admit you have a problem!) and last week, I bought a bunch of new clothes from The Wardrobe Boutique (yes, I'm a shopper, too!) - an XL New York and Company trench coat in a very springy bright pink.  For those other fat and formerly fat girls out there... you will know that NY & Co doesn't have a "plus size" line!  So that's a normal-girl XL!   But mostly I'm a 18/20 (although Paige told me today my clothes are still too big!).

I'm starting to feel like the poster child for Gastric Bypass.  I think by the end of the summer, I will have accumulated enough referral points to get the toaster!  (Yes, that's a joke!)  But seriously, I know 3 women who are seriously considering the surgery after hearing my experience.  

And I like that. I like that my experience can give other women hope.  Because I know what it's like to feel so defeated.  To leave the doctor's office after hearing that you are "morbidly obese" and wondering whether life is worth living (it is) and feeling like a complete failure (which you know intellectually you aren't!).

This week, a girl on the Thinner Times forum reached out to me.  She is just 16, weighs over 330 pounds and is waiting for approval for the surgery... she asked some advice, so I tried to offer some.  It's hard for me to imagine being in this position at such a young age.  I have many conflicting feelings about that.  But mostly, I'm glad that me and others are here to offer someone like her hope.  Someone else like us.  

Another woman reached out to me via My Fitness Pal (weight/food tracker site with fabulous iPhone app!).  She's in Atlanta and didn't have a local support network so we share messages about every week and I'm glad that can use my experiences to help someone else.

So I'll end this post with some of the advice I gave to my new friends... 

This is one of the hardest things I have ever done.  It really is a tool, not a cure.  That's one of the most important things I have learned.  You still have to curb your eating, but the tool helps that.  If you learn to LISTEN to your body, stop when you are getting full (because to be full means to be uncomfortable and in pain), then you can use the tool effectively.

But you can also eat around your tool - especially as you get farther out from surgery.  Already I can see that I can eat more than I could immediately after surgery.  I can eat 2 cups of soup in a sitting but I probably shouldn't.  I can tolerate most sugars so I can still eat ice cream, chocolate, cookies.  Again, I can but I know that I shouldn't.  Long term, those will be the things that will make the tool less effective.

For me, adding exercise is the most difficult thing.  I work alot so finding time to walk, exercise, go to the gym (I'm just not a gym person) has been tough.  But I walked my first 5K last month and now am walking at least 1 5K a week (which is over 3 miles).

Part of the reason I'm keeping this blog is so I can come back and remember what I was thinking and feeling.  It certainly helps me.  I think it helps my friends and family understand what I'm going through.  And maybe it will help some people I don't even know!

Just What Do I Eat, Anyway?

This has become the $1 million question!

Just what can and does Sheri eat now?

So I thought for the benefit of those who don't live with me on a daily basis, I 'd give you an idea...

This is a pretty typical day:

Breakfast:  Protein shake
180 calories and 25-30 grams of protein
Current favorite is designer whey chocolate powder (100 calories) with 8 oz skim milk and 1/4 cup of coffee to give it some warmth and mocha taste.  And it MUST be drunk from a travel mug with a lid.  The protein shakes tends to froth up and have this icky foam on the top which I don't like.  The travel mug allows the liquid to come through so you don't get a huge gulp of froth.  And it's really best to use a mini-blender.  I tried the shake cup things and the powder stays grainy and is gross.

Lunch:  Soup and Greek Yogurt
300 calories and 15-20 grams of protein
I will usually have some sort of soup or chili for lunch.  Chili is the current favorite (homemade with kidney beans, ground beef, beef stock and crushed tomatoes).  The more beef/meat, the higher the protein content.  After I let that settle for a bit, I can have a container of Greek yogurt for another 18-20 grams of protein and 140 calories.  My yogurt of choice this month is Chobani apple cinnamon or honey with cut up bananas added to it.

Have I mentioned that it's all about the protein?  At least 60-80 grams of protein a day is my goal.  Try doing that with less than 1200 calories... it's not easy without at least one shake and some greek yogurt.  What did people do before greek yogurt, I wonder?

Afternoon Snack:  Chex Mix, Fruit
Less than 100 calories and no protein
This is a hard one for me to remember if I'm not at home.  I get engrossed at work and forget to eat, drink or take my vitamins.

Oh yeah, I haven't mentioned the vitamins.  Ideally, 3 doses of 500 mg calcium each day (with eat meal).  Calcium can't be taken with Iron, or it won't absorb correctly.  After going off the chewable calcium, I have opted to do the caplets that you can swallow and I seem to be getting more in that way.  Then at night I take a double dose of a multi-vitamin with Iron.  I should be taking a separate Iron supplement but that causes.... ummm... side effects... that I don't like.  (and tastes bad all night!)  So right now I'm waiting to see what my blood work looks like to see if I need to continue the Iron pill every day.  Currently, I'm getting Iron with my mulit-vitamin.

Dinner:  Fish or other protein and a bite of a side dish
300 calories and 10-15 grams of protein
Dinner continues to be a challenge, especially since I refuse to stop eating out.  I just can't NOT have girls night with the friends or if we do something after work like grocery shopping, make Beth skip dinner because I have a hard time eating out.

And truthfully, there has been really no place we've gone where I couldn't find something to eat on a menu.  Grilled chicken.  Chili.  French onion soup.  Even salad with fish or chicken added.  Good thing I don't have an issue with wasted food because I'll never finish something.  I can eat 1/4 or an omlette.   But can usually finish a bowl or cup of soup without a problem.

Evening Snack:  Popcorn, Frozen Yogurt
100-150 calories and no protein
By now, I've gotten my protein in for the day (hopefully) and I'm trying to add water to keep my liquids as near 8 cups a day as I can (this is where protein shakes and soup help, too!).  So I can indulge in something like popcorn (small bowl with salt and a little butter oil flavoring, but  not the pre-seasoned microwave kind) or my current favorite lite ice cream or frozen yogurt.  I can only have 1/2 a cup, so I let myself indulge.

Luckily I do not have any issues with sugar.  Sweet tooth rejoice!  Even tonight I allowed myself 2 mini Wegman's cupcakes - only 75 calories each and I could never eat more than 2!

So that's a typical day.  Less than 1200 calories (myfitnesspal.com which I use to track food every day always yells at me that I'm not eating enough calories... I just laugh) and I never feel weak or very hungry.  It's a bizarre feeling.

I will say for the millionth time... you do NOT do this if you never want to think about food again.  Because it really is your every waking thought.  But in a good way.  In a positive way.  In a "I'm no longer berating myself every day" way.

Some things that I will probably never be able to eat in any type of normal quantity again:  rice, pasta, bread.

All those things expand when you eat them, so I have to be very careful.  Because the difference between full and FULL is a bite.  I did that with bread once... and not again!  It's not a pleasant feeling.

I know that as time goes on, these quantities will change.  My stomach will stretch some and I will probably learn to eat more.  But I hope that I'm developing better eating habits now that I will be able to deal with it down the road.  This isn't a diet.  It isn't a quick fix.  It's a new way of living... thanks for your interest in my journey.

First 5K Around the Corner

Because I was feeling overly optimistic a few months ago post-surgery, I signed up for the Phillies 5K.  I'll admit I never really thought I could do it.  But it made me feel good to have a goal.  Even if I couldn't achieve it right off the bat, I could try...

So Sunday, Beth and I go out for a training walk.  We'll see how far I can go towards the 5K goal.  She downloads a little app onto the iPhone that tracks how far we walk and our time using GPS.  It's a nifty program and before we know it, we've gone 1K.  I have no idea what this means in "american" measurements - less than a mile?  I know a 5K is about 3 miles (maybe a little more).

We get down to Schuykill (you know that I mean, I'm not looking it up to spell it right!) River Park where there are lovely houses and a dog park.  We walk around and then realize that people are going over railroad tracks...

This is how people walk along the river!

I've lived in Philadelphia for over 15 years and I've never walked along the river.  Never knew how.  Never cared to figure it out.

But it was a bright, sunny spring day (yes, in March!) and we walked right over to the run/bike/walk path like we were people who did this regularly and we walked.... and walked... and walked...

I look up and see 30th Street station not that far in the distance and I felt like I could cry.

If anyone had told me 3 months ago that I could WALK from my house to 30th Street Station, I would have thought they were insane.

My back would have been hurting at 4 blocks.

I would have been a sweaty mess and uncomfortable at another 4 blocks.

In need of a break to sit and have some water at 10.

But no... in the end, we walked from our house, nearly to 30th Street Station and back.  In a little over an hour.  We walked 7K... longer that I need to walk next weekend to complete the Phillies 5K!

I can't even tell you how happy this makes me.  

As I stared at 30th Street Station and tried not to cry, I turned to Beth, 'this is the best decision i ever made in my entire life.'

And I so mean that.  

I guess I never knew how much being overweight was affecting me on a daily basis.  I know I'm still overweight (wii still cheerily will tell me "you're obese!" when I step on), but I feel like I have so much more control over my life today than I did a few short months ago. 

And there's no way I am going back to that person I was.  I'm starting to feel like I might make it - if not to my goal - at least to under 200 pounds (which really is my personal goal).  And that is just amazing for me.  I haven't been there since I was in high school.

I know only my friends are reading this... so I'll say to you now.  Thank you for your support.  Not just now as I'm the misfit who can't eat much at birthday dinners.  But for loving me no matter how much I weighed or how far I could walk.  I know you don't care what I weigh... but it's nice to start to feel more normal (even if I didn't know how not-normal I was feeling myself!).

Happy Birthday to Me

I started this on my birthday (last Sunday, yeah me!) and never got around to finishing. I knew this would happen but I now mark traditional things like birthdays as my "new me" milestones. What am I doing this year that I wouldn't have done last year (or vice versa!). 

For instance... no need for cake on my birthday. Not even really tempted by cake.

Figuring I have a small stomach now, I decided small foods were in order. And the perfect small foods are... TEA!

Okay, I might have forgotten about the "no eating and drinking together" thing which made tea a little weird. And also the fact that breads are no longer my friends and that's most of what a tea service consists of... but still, it was nice to dress up on my birthday, meet friends at a nice hotel (The Rittenhouse, for those playing along at home) and have a civilized tea service. And it was good.

I managed to eat 3 tea sandwiches (including bread), a whole scone (even used some clotted cream... shhhh) and 2 tiny pastries. Then they brought me out an individual sized Tiffany's cake which was mostly fondant with brownie/cake inside and I had a tiny bite and then everyone got to share!

I will say that now that I'm about 7 weeks out, I'm doing pretty good at understanding what I can and can't eat from a portion perspective.

I am a little concerned that I can eat just about anything. Nothing I have had has made me have the dreaded dumping syndrome or made me feel sick. The two times I actually was sick was because I ate too much too quickly.

 I do often have that over full feeling - it's a pain in my chest and sometimes it is pretty severe. But it goes away in 5-10 minutes. But I have to stop getting to that feeling so I'm working on eating slower and taking smaller bites. It's hard when you are talking and eating or watching tv and not completely focused on eating. That's why you slip up!

But I'm forgetting the really cool thing about my birthday weekend... I finally decided I had to buy some new clothes!

After spending Saturday morning trying on every pair of "Saturday" pants I have and rejecting them all as too big to continue to wear, off to The Avenue we went. Armed with coupons, after Christmas sales and a burning desire to figure out if 35 pounds lost is really 2 sizes.

It's not quite 2 sizes - so I ended up with "now" jeans and then "later" jeans. The "later" jeans are a 20 (marked 22 but I have those same jeans in that size in my closet that fell on the "too big" pile, so SOMEONE is lying!).

I haven't worn a 20 in anything since the great Weight Watchers weight loss of... heck, I don't know... 10 years ago, probably! Yes, because it was the year that Marie and Martin got married!

Next up is clothing for the cruise vacation Beth and I are taking in 2 weeks. I tried on all my summer clothes - mostly they fit (they're big, but will do. I don't want to buy a whole new summer wardrobe and then have to buy more summer clothes when summer is actually here!). My older swimsuit will be fine for this cruise but I'll probably need another one for actual summer.

And in not-so-fun news... the dreaded stall continues. I have probably only lost 5 pounds this month, which is disappointing, but I know it's totally normal. My body needs to adjust and then I will start to lose again. I'm so anal about tracking my food and even sending to my nutritionist and she thinks it all okay. So I continue to try to eat as much protein as possible and try not to weigh myself every day!

That's all from here in weight-loss-obsession-land!

Happy New Year!

Hi to the 4 of you reading... it's been a while.  Going back to work and then the Christmas holidays have made it hard to stay in the habit of blogging what's going on.

So quick catch up:  Christmas was great!  I was able to try everything everyone else ate - yes, even the Polish herring at Christmas Eve - albeit in small bites.   It was definitely more than I ever thought I'd be able to eat at 4 weeks out.  But it helped that my Christmas hosts were awesome about understanding about my limitations.

I am a little concerned because I've reached my first plateau.  I know they are normal, but my weight loss has been stalled for over at week and just tonight I sent my food diaries to my nutritionist to see if there's something I'm doing wrong or need to change.

As you can see, I still weigh myself about every other day!

In general, I'm eating under 800 calories a day - I went as high as 1,000 on Christmas with all the snacking - but generally I'm getting my protein in and also my liquids.  Although liquids are the hardest, but that was true before surgery, too.  I'm just not a drinking kind of girl and never had been.  Really need to work on making sure that I'm always sipping something to keep those liquids in.

Tonight I was playing around on www.myfitnesspal.com, which is the site I use to track my food, weight and nutritional stats, and found someone who posted this question to the message board. I found myself hitting 'reply' before I could stop myself.  So I thought I'd share my answer here, too, since I know most of my friends and family are way too nice and polite to ask such a thing to my face.

Question:  
To those of you who have had, or have thought about having, the gastric bypass surgery, or even lap band, or anything alike... why? I'm not criticizing or anything, I'm just wondering.... why'd you do it? Or why do you WANT to do it? It's a TON of money, a LOT of pain, and you STILL have to diet - extremely, at that - and exercise after healing. Like I said, I'm not criticizing... I've thought about doing one of these surgeries myself at one point, then I researched and researched and found that the first few months (even a year or two!) you have to go on a pretty extreme diet, and ease your way into eating new foods.... if you could do that POST-op, why not just do it all by yourself anyway? How much do the surgeries REALLY help? And for those who have to lose some weight in order to even get the surgeries done... why not just continue to do it yourself instead of putting yourself through all that? 

My Answer:  
I'm 5 weeks out and I'd do it again in a heartbeat and annoyed that I didn't do it 2 years ago when my doctor suggested it. The idea that people can just "do it on their own" is one that many people who have had surgery are going to find offensive, btw. Most of us have "done it on our own" and seen the weight come back (plus!) - nearly every diet study proves this. 

For many people, a radical life style change is needed to cut the cord between your stomach and your head. There are many things about WLS that change your physiology that regaining the weight (although possible, certainly) is more difficult than when following a traditional diet plan. And on top of that things like NOT feeling hunger, having a physical reaction to eating more than you can in one sitting, and as someone mentioned being able to lose enough weight that exercise is possible - are ways that this tool can make permanent weight loss possible. 

I would never recommend the surgery for someone who didn't have a history of weight-related issues. At 41 years old, I was staring at 300 pounds, early stage diabetes and sleep apnea. I was on 5 pills a day - all weight-related. Something had to change and WLS has given me a good tool to make that change. 

I didn't do this to look better in a pair of jeans. I did it to save my life or not die prematurely.