Happy Thanksgiving from the Empty Stomach!

Today is day 4 of the liquid diet and I have to say, it is getting easier.  When I met with the nutritionist she'd explained the diet and that I'd be allowed 3-5 protein shakes a day.  That would keep me full.  And then if I needed a "crunch" just to feel like I was eating, I could have veggies.

What the hell!

Apparently she's never been a nearly 300-pound woman who went to eating less than 800 calories a day!

Excuse me, DRINKING 800 calories a day.

Unless those calories are pureed with strawberries and have whipped cream and rum included and lead to a person passing out, I'm not so sure drinking 800 calories a day would make anyone feeling full.

Evening of day one, we went out to Trader Joe's to buy all types of veggies that I could eat - frozen especially so I had something easy to make.  Raw veggies are fine, but if you want to feel like you are eating a meal, I think the veggies have to be cooked.

By day two, I could feel my stomach constantly.  And guess what, it's not where all the cartoons tell you it is! It's really sort up near your ribs.  Huh.  Nice little anatomy lesson there.

Day three the stomach was like the cat in the Simon's Cat online cartoons - constantly point to its mouth and saying "feed me."  So every 20 minutes, it would growl at me.

Now I'm at day four and it's Thanksgiving!  I have to admit, I fully intend on cheating just a bit today.  While everyone else eats turkey, my protein shake and me (and a friend!) are going to see the Muppet Movie where we will be allowed to split a small popcorn (hope my nutritionist isn't reading this!).

And here's where I am now...

It's hard to believe that this is what the next several months of my life will be like.  This is a real wake up call, which is partially why they make you do it, I think.

I'm obsessed (as the title of this blog suggests) with researching all things related to gastric bypass.  I read the boards at www.thinnertimes.com regularly and I have to say that's been a huge help.  If I have any question, there's someone there who has posted about it.  And I'm starting to share some of my experiences, too.

Starting this process, I had a hard time finding a place where I could hear people's real experience - not just medical jargon or the cheerleaders who did well and want everyone to make the choice they made.  This is such a personal decision.  I now know nearly a dozen people who have had variations of weigh loss surgery and I have reached out to all of them to understand their experiences.

But none of those experiences are mine.  None of them have been on the exact same journey that I have.  For me, I think the full gastric bypass is what I need to make a permanent change.  And I stress permanent.  As much as the liquid diet might suck, in 2 weeks, my stomach will be the size of an egg, so eating 800 calories a day will not feel like I'm starving myself.  (or at least that's the theory!)

Part of me wishes that I could say that I could have had this wake up call on my own, but I have to be honest with myself.  Given my history of yo-yo dieting, my metabolism is just messed up.  Yes, I know I could do Weight Watchers again and lose 40+ pounds. I've done it before.  But I also know, that when I inevitably stop working the plan, I will gain 60 back.  With PCOS, even losing weight is harder for me than the average person.

So maybe this tool is what I need to make the permanent change.  Sure, there will be a time when I can make poor choices with food, but the repercussions of doing so will be larger than just 'cheating.'  

At the end of the day, as much as my stomach is unhappy with me, even though I go to bed and wake up thinking about food... I'm still excited about the possibilities I see in front of me.  

Happy Thanksgiving to me!